Today I saw a video called "Cuerdas" that in Spanish mean ropes.
It's a Spanish short film that won the Goya Award in 2014 and left me in tears from the start because I remembered Francisca.
My mother worked for EDP which is the Portuguese Electricity Company and she worked there for many years. Therefore, me and my brother were entitled to Summer Camps that were to 6 year old children up to 16 years old. I am fortunate to have gone every single year. Those two weeks were always lived to the fullest! Sometimes we went with friends from previous years and with whom we exchanged letters during the year (no e-mails back then) and matched up the where and when we wanted to go the year after.
There were several Summer Camps throughout the country, Castelo de Bode - which is a part of the country - was definitely my favorite and I went for 3 or 4 years in a row. Castelo de Bode had a characteristic that was the only one we could go more than once and (depending on age), we could go to the area with tents or villas.
The villas were for the senior year and it was unforgettable for all the right reasons. I knew it was the last time that I would have that experience and my summers would never be the same, because we had more freedom, because the curfew was always later and because there was always a way to sneak out and go for a fag Lol
I had just turned 16 (my birthday is in July), was on vacation from my 1st year in Antonio Arroio (High School) that had been quite intense in every way and was starting to live my life as a young adult.
But I'm diverting a bit. This often happens when I'm writing. Twists and turns to other topics and then have to focus to go back to the beginning. It always makes sense but when I write there is something that takes over me and I talk about everything and anything lol
Well, back to Francisca. That Summer (cannot remember if it was in Castelo de Bode or Árvore, which is another Camp), one of the projects for the day was to do volunteer work. There was a bit of everything but I chose to go to the hospital for newborns to help nurses. Me and another girl who was also called Sofia.
I do not remember what time we arrived, I do not remember how we were presented to nurses, I can’t remember precisely nothing! It’s blurry in my memory. I remember that I met a newborn baby girl named Francisca who had been abandoned by her parents at the hospital and had cerebral palsy. There were tubes everywhere and it's was through one of those tubes that Francisca was fed.
My mother always tried to protect me from certain things. I was (and still am) easily impressionable. There are things that shock me too much and I keep dwelling on that on and on and on. It is a trait of my personality. This was one of those situations.
I was (if I remember correctly) about 13 years at the time and I had never seen anything like that. And to see such a tiny baby, so helpless and to know she had been abandoned was being confronted with a painful reality that just seemed way to harsh to even be true. Result? I didn’t leave her for even a fraction of second.
I could not get away for a single second and spent all day stroking her, looking at her, ensure that the diaper was clean and whenever I heard a strange beeping from the machines I panicked and immediately called a nurse. Then came lunch time and I didn’t went. I didn’t want to eat. I knew my time was limited and therefore I couldn’t waste it on food!
Deep down I had a secret hope that the parents of Francisca suddenly appeared and saw in her the beauty that Sofia and I had seen! I didn’t want to miss that moment that, unfortunately, did not happen. That day ended with tears. I didn’t want to leave, did not wanted to be away from Francisca and this story quickly spread throughout the Camp. We were divided into teams and mine was especially careful with me at that stage because I wasn’t emotionally able to cope with the situation. Sofia was the only person who could understand what I was feeling!
It is curious that has seen this movie today because lately I've been thinking a lot about Francisca. Actually, I thought about her last night and did my math. I am 30 years old. Francisca will be 17 or 18 by now. And I know nothing of her.
When it was time to go back home, it was given us a book with the names and addresses of participants and where we could write dedications to each other. I don't know where mine is but what Sofia wrote, it might was well be written on solid rock as it's marked in my mind “Don't you ever forget: Francisca will always be ours."
I know how much I love my daughter and how much I loved Francisca that day and during my life until today. Even away, even not knowing anything and even not having contributed anything to her life. I judge no one but I cannot understand how anyone could have chosen not to have that little angel in their lives.
This video made me cry and made me wish that Francisca was hopefully fortunate to have had a Maria in her life and wherever she is that she is loved and able to smile.
Check out the video. It is 8 minutes length but I promise you that they are worth it. Really shows the best that there is in humans.
It's a Spanish short film that won the Goya Award in 2014 and left me in tears from the start because I remembered Francisca.
My mother worked for EDP which is the Portuguese Electricity Company and she worked there for many years. Therefore, me and my brother were entitled to Summer Camps that were to 6 year old children up to 16 years old. I am fortunate to have gone every single year. Those two weeks were always lived to the fullest! Sometimes we went with friends from previous years and with whom we exchanged letters during the year (no e-mails back then) and matched up the where and when we wanted to go the year after.
There were several Summer Camps throughout the country, Castelo de Bode - which is a part of the country - was definitely my favorite and I went for 3 or 4 years in a row. Castelo de Bode had a characteristic that was the only one we could go more than once and (depending on age), we could go to the area with tents or villas.
The villas were for the senior year and it was unforgettable for all the right reasons. I knew it was the last time that I would have that experience and my summers would never be the same, because we had more freedom, because the curfew was always later and because there was always a way to sneak out and go for a fag Lol
I had just turned 16 (my birthday is in July), was on vacation from my 1st year in Antonio Arroio (High School) that had been quite intense in every way and was starting to live my life as a young adult.
But I'm diverting a bit. This often happens when I'm writing. Twists and turns to other topics and then have to focus to go back to the beginning. It always makes sense but when I write there is something that takes over me and I talk about everything and anything lol
Well, back to Francisca. That Summer (cannot remember if it was in Castelo de Bode or Árvore, which is another Camp), one of the projects for the day was to do volunteer work. There was a bit of everything but I chose to go to the hospital for newborns to help nurses. Me and another girl who was also called Sofia.
I do not remember what time we arrived, I do not remember how we were presented to nurses, I can’t remember precisely nothing! It’s blurry in my memory. I remember that I met a newborn baby girl named Francisca who had been abandoned by her parents at the hospital and had cerebral palsy. There were tubes everywhere and it's was through one of those tubes that Francisca was fed.
My mother always tried to protect me from certain things. I was (and still am) easily impressionable. There are things that shock me too much and I keep dwelling on that on and on and on. It is a trait of my personality. This was one of those situations.
I was (if I remember correctly) about 13 years at the time and I had never seen anything like that. And to see such a tiny baby, so helpless and to know she had been abandoned was being confronted with a painful reality that just seemed way to harsh to even be true. Result? I didn’t leave her for even a fraction of second.
I could not get away for a single second and spent all day stroking her, looking at her, ensure that the diaper was clean and whenever I heard a strange beeping from the machines I panicked and immediately called a nurse. Then came lunch time and I didn’t went. I didn’t want to eat. I knew my time was limited and therefore I couldn’t waste it on food!
Deep down I had a secret hope that the parents of Francisca suddenly appeared and saw in her the beauty that Sofia and I had seen! I didn’t want to miss that moment that, unfortunately, did not happen. That day ended with tears. I didn’t want to leave, did not wanted to be away from Francisca and this story quickly spread throughout the Camp. We were divided into teams and mine was especially careful with me at that stage because I wasn’t emotionally able to cope with the situation. Sofia was the only person who could understand what I was feeling!
It is curious that has seen this movie today because lately I've been thinking a lot about Francisca. Actually, I thought about her last night and did my math. I am 30 years old. Francisca will be 17 or 18 by now. And I know nothing of her.
When it was time to go back home, it was given us a book with the names and addresses of participants and where we could write dedications to each other. I don't know where mine is but what Sofia wrote, it might was well be written on solid rock as it's marked in my mind “Don't you ever forget: Francisca will always be ours."
I know how much I love my daughter and how much I loved Francisca that day and during my life until today. Even away, even not knowing anything and even not having contributed anything to her life. I judge no one but I cannot understand how anyone could have chosen not to have that little angel in their lives.
This video made me cry and made me wish that Francisca was hopefully fortunate to have had a Maria in her life and wherever she is that she is loved and able to smile.
Check out the video. It is 8 minutes length but I promise you that they are worth it. Really shows the best that there is in humans.
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